what of emotions?

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. ~Charles Dickens,Great Expectations, 1860

over the past year i have made it a point to be void of all emotions. they really only seem to get in the way of things.... as we quickly approach the holiday season, it seems as though some old emotions are starting to come back around. feelings of anger, betrayal and any other negative thought that happened last year.

next month will mark the one year "anniversary" of my divorce. since then, i have not shed a tear over the matter.... until last night. but it's not that i was crying because i was upset over the divorce, i was crying because i'm tired of being alone. i miss having someone that i can trust with everything about me. the joys of having someone there for me, to tell me that things will be alright. someone that will love me....

it seems that falling in love is just getting too hard, too many factors in play (fear, loyalty, rejection, being hurt {this coming from both parties}). nothing seems to go right. maybe i'm just looking too hard...

maybe this means i'm just human and that i have these "emotions". whatever it all means, it sucks and it's maddening.

When love is not madness, it is not love. ~Pedro Calderon de la Barca

what's your passion?

i ask the title question only after having it shed some light on my own life.  i feel as though my priorities are not where they should be and so i must correct them.  

over the years i have had many "passions".  climbing, women, and my newest one cycling have all taken there place in life....come to think about it, those are all still passions....hmm.  these things have always worked their way in front of the things that actually matter: family, church, my relationship with Christ.  could explain why i'm in my current situation....jobless, alone, unhappy and border line broken.

sunday morning pastor kirk spoke on john 2:12.  Christ entered the temple with a whip, over turning tables, scattering cattle, throwing money about.  why was He so passionate?  psalm 69:9 says "zeal for your house will consume me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me".  "the way we relate to God's house is how we will relate to Jesus".  the jewish people had forgotten what it meant to be a child of God.  they forgot what it meant to come together as a collective body and worship.  they turned the Father's house into a den of thieves.  they were consumed with "life" and let their zeal simply fade away.

what have you turned the house of God into?  is it still a sacred place of worship or have you turned into a "den of thieves"?  with the advent of the internet and online messages, i fear too many people are missing out on quality relationships.  they miss the fellowship with their brothers and sisters in Christ which could be the very spiritual uplifting that they need.  it seems as though the house of God today is only a place to make a business deal.  guess things haven't really changed any.....  

"this little light of mine" people, seriously.  people should be breaking down the the church doors because they see something that is missing in their own life.  especially in these trying times.  further more, we should all be passionate enough to go out and get them.  we should all do what we can to make our Father's house a place of worship....not a board room.  

as for myself, passions are being dealt with.  priorities are changing, things that should have been there to begin with.  i hope that whoever reads this will stop and think.