here it is...

responsi-what?

2010-09-23T16:24:00.000-07:00

"it is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging our responsibilities" -josiah charles stamp

why is it that people today cannot except the responsibility of their own actions? why must everyone place blame on the opposing party? "you never told me" (maybe), or "it's not my fault, i didn't know" (possible), "you just don't understand the situation" (then maybe try to explain it better), and my personal favorite "the devil made me do it".....really?....really? the devil doesn't live your life for you. we live our own lives, make our own decisions, create our own circumstances. i am convinced that the people who give these excuses, get defensive or play the victim, are the ones that really don't have a clue as to what's happening around them. they lash out and then segregate themselves from the ones who love them and want to help. whether blinded in a spiritual sense of the word or just out of sheer stupidity, they are lost.

in this "fast pace" society that we live in, it seems that people have replaced responsibility with convenience. it's easier to point the finger and place blame than to say "it's my fault" or "i was wrong". when did the ego become more important than integrity or character? when did it become so difficult for a person to take a step back and examine their own life from someone else's point of view, to see themselves from a different perspective?

we as human beings are fallible. we make mistakes from time to time and it is our RESPONSIBILITY as adults to correct those mistakes. to stop, think and say "hey, i am(was) wrong. could somebody help?"

find joy

2010-04-15T19:21:00.000-07:00

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy."

-Jim Rohn

"find joy" is what the license plate read.... on both ends of the spectrum, think of the simplicity and the complexity of those words. for some, joy flows naturally and it shows in everything that they do. others, joy is a foreign concept. either they don't know where to look for it, they have lost sight of it or they are intentionally closed off to it.

we are all guilty of being the second person. at some point in time we have all lost sight of what matters and where our priorities should be. burdens from the work place, marital conflicts, renegade children, school and all the petty small things that are "important" get in the way of our joy.

i myself have let the things of this life consume me to where my joy has been shadowed. as a follower of Christ, my joy is in and will always be found in Him. my joy is never far off. i just have to remember to turn around and see that it's right there, always was and always will be. james 1:2 (niv), "consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." we, as Christians, should be the most joyful people on the planet, regardless of our personal dilemmas. always remember that "the joy of the Lord is my strength".

enjoy the last quote, i laughed when i read it...

"When was the last time you laughed for the sheer joy of your salvation? People are not attracted to somber doctrines. There is no persuasive power in a gloomy and morbid religion. Let the world see your joy and you won't be able to keep them away. To be filled with God is to be filled with joy."

-Anonymous

consequence, is a bigger word than u think

2010-03-18T16:11:00.000-07:00

this is not the initial blog i referenced on fb/twitter. shut it and read anyway.....

growing up i never really thought about what i did, what i said or the repercussions that those actions would leave. as an adult i still have the tendency to do that but i at least stop and think about it for a minute or two now. just while writing this, i think back about some of the things i've done in random places across the country and think, "holy crap....i probably could've been really hurt just then or died".....sorry mom.

maybe it is all in your mind. as far as physical actions, i never thought about getting hurt. i never let that fear set in. i trusted God, i trusted in the abilities He gave me, in the equipment used. verbal, now that's a different story. i have this thing about speaking my mind at the most inopportune times. call it passion, call it attitude, call it whatever you want, call it getting me in trouble. i'm at that junction again in life, do i speak or do i hold my tongue? the words i say would fall on deaf ears so i fail to see the point. i wonder how many bridges i could burn by throwing one little match?

several years ago incubus had a song titled "consequence". here's the chorus,

"you better think fast! 'cause you never know what's coming around the bend. you better not blink! for consequence is a bigger word than you think. it's bigger than you or me." how true is the second sentence? you really don't know what's going to happen next. i'm a firm believer in karma, what goes around comes around....again, call it whatever you want. i stand firm on the decisions i've made in life. i would be a different person if i chose any differently (i like me). i've dealt with the consequences of my actions and i have reaped the rewards for others. i just turned 32 and i can only pray that with each year that passes i get a little bit wiser in my decisions.

speak now...

2010-01-06T14:59:00.000-08:00

as Christians we are all students of the Word. being that, we should take the opportunities that we have to learn all that we can.

i have never been a big reader.... it bores me... there i said it, so what. in an effort to change things in my life, i have been reading a bit more lately. i'm still bored....

the book i'm reading now is about Biblical interpretation. in it the author states that "i can never speak with absolute authority about anything like Jesus did." um, why not? the very first verse in luke 9 says, "he (Jesus) gave them power and authority to drive out demons and to cure disease". how can we not ever speak with this authority, he just gave it to us! mark 9:19, Jesus says, "o unbelieving generation, how long shall i stay with you? how long shall i put up with you?" sounds to me like he was waiting for them to get a hold of His authority and use it the way he did. if "faith comes by hearing" then things need to be spoken, do they not?

as Christians we have been given spiritual gifts. if we don't use these gifts with authority and power, then what's the point in us having them? the sick would not be healed. messages would not be conveyed with wisdom or knowledge. the miraculous would not happen.

if we bear the name of Christ then we can speak with faith and authority and speak things as though they are.

speak now...

new beginnings

2010-01-02T10:24:00.000-08:00

in one night, everything comes to an end and then starts a new...

2009 has basically been the worst year of my life. divorce, i was laid off from two jobs within a month and a half, my bank screwed me on my escrow account and there has been numerous stupid small things (none of which are worth mentioning). with all of this i can only think/hope that i am growing emotionally and more importantly spiritually. i think i've learned to lean on God more now in these past 12 months than in my whole 31 years on this earth. His grace is sufficient...

i guess it all hasn't been bad though, my family, my pastors and my friends have all been there to give me the encouragement and love that i need. and for that i can never say "thank you" enough. i was able to spend Christmas/new years with a woman that i hold close to my heart (i thought it was great).... apparently i did okay in the overall TdD race season.

so now what? now i go into 2010 with my head up and guns blazing. with a wonderful girlfriend and family/friends at my sides and Jesus leading the way, this year will be better than anything in the past.

what of emotions?

2009-11-16T18:34:00.000-08:00

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. ~Charles Dickens,Great Expectations, 1860

over the past year i have made it a point to be void of all emotions. they really only seem to get in the way of things.... as we quickly approach the holiday season, it seems as though some old emotions are starting to come back around. feelings of anger, betrayal and any other negative thought that happened last year.

next month will mark the one year "anniversary" of my divorce. since then, i have not shed a tear over the matter.... until last night. but it's not that i was crying because i was upset over the divorce, i was crying because i'm tired of being alone. i miss having someone that i can trust with everything about me. the joys of having someone there for me, to tell me that things will be alright. someone that will love me....

it seems that falling in love is just getting too hard, too many factors in play (fear, loyalty, rejection, being hurt {this coming from both parties}). nothing seems to go right. maybe i'm just looking too hard...

maybe this means i'm just human and that i have these "emotions". whatever it all means, it sucks and it's maddening.

When love is not madness, it is not love. ~Pedro Calderon de la Barca

what's your passion?

2009-11-02T16:12:00.000-08:00

i ask the title question only after having it shed some light on my own life. i feel as though my priorities are not where they should be and so i must correct them.

over the years i have had many "passions". climbing, women, and my newest one cycling have all taken there place in life....come to think about it, those are all still passions....hmm. these things have always worked their way in front of the things that actually matter: family, church, my relationship with Christ. could explain why i'm in my current situation....jobless, alone, unhappy and border line broken.

sunday morning pastor kirk spoke on john 2:12. Christ entered the temple with a whip, over turning tables, scattering cattle, throwing money about. why was He so passionate? psalm 69:9 says "zeal for your house will consume me, and the insults of those who insult you fall on me". "the way we relate to God's house is how we will relate to Jesus". the jewish people had forgotten what it meant to be a child of God. they forgot what it meant to come together as a collective body and worship. they turned the Father's house into a den of thieves. they were consumed with "life" and let their zeal simply fade away.

what have you turned the house of God into? is it still a sacred place of worship or have you turned into a "den of thieves"? with the advent of the internet and online messages, i fear too many people are missing out on quality relationships. they miss the fellowship with their brothers and sisters in Christ which could be the very spiritual uplifting that they need. it seems as though the house of God today is only a place to make a business deal. guess things haven't really changed any.....

"this little light of mine" people, seriously. people should be breaking down the the church doors because they see something that is missing in their own life. especially in these trying times. further more, we should all be passionate enough to go out and get them. we should all do what we can to make our Father's house a place of worship....not a board room.

as for myself, passions are being dealt with. priorities are changing, things that should have been there to begin with. i hope that whoever reads this will stop and think.

life decisions

2009-10-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

within the last few months of my so called "pursuit of happiness" in life, it seems as though everything is just been burning to the ground. bad decisions on my part, and others, are starting to take their tole on my finances, my mind and most importantly my heart.

every fews years i start to get bored with whatever job i'm in. for the past 2 years i've been working construction, building a children's hospital and as the job comes to a close i'm starting to think that it's time to move on. i realized when i started the job that i needed to break that way of thinking and settle into a good job that i could one day provide for a family. maybe i just need to transfer to another job....i'm pretty sure the devon building is needing people. i'm tired of being inside. i would much rather be outside getting dirty, playing in the concrete.

here lately, i've been thinking of being a personal trainer. but then i stop and think "could that provide for a family if i ever get one?". no action has been taken in that direction, but i am starting to seriously consider it. too many factors that need to be thought about.

then my friend, who is a police officer, is trying to convince me to join the squad so i can be a bicycle cop downtown. i've thought about it and me with a badge and gun are a bad combination.

i hate waiting. i hate being in a rut. i hate not being able to think clearly. what has happen to my reasoning, my trust......my faith? when did i start depending on myself rather than leaning on God and His promises?

something is going to give at some point....

seasons

2009-08-21T15:39:00.000-07:00

it's interesting the seasons of life that people go through. everyone has their ups and downs, positives and negatives. times of inspiration, times of despair.

i don't really know where i am right now.... things seem good, but yet i really have nothing to share. why is that? i recently got a roommate for a few months (good for the bills). i now have a girlfriend and we are crazy about each other, i'm climbing and riding more and more. i even have friends that are getting married in september and i can't be more excited for them. but yet still nothing to write about. how could i not be inspired to write about any of that?

i think i need a vacation to get away from everything in life. i need time to reflect.

time to clear my head.......

maybe then i will have something interesting to say.

suffering of the masses

2009-07-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

a few years ago i had a sticker on my truck that simply read "suffer for it". it's a small saying but i think that it implies quite a bit. the slogan was coined for a climbing company called "so ill". obviously they had in mind climbing when they came up with it, and being a climber myself i know exactly what they meant. blown pulleys, bloody fingers, broken bones, the endless driving/hiking to the middle of nowhere, the cold/heat, no sleep...... and the worst thing is, we climbers love every minute of it.

so what else could that phrase be attached to? anything really. sports, work, religion, relationships, etc. the list goes on. i think a better question is, have you ever suffered for the sake of someone else? have you ever experienced a loss so that someone else could gain something they needed desperately?

Christ is the ultimate image of suffering. He took on the afflictions of all mankind so that we could be free from it all. what have we done? how have we suffered for Him and His Kingdom? ridicule, persecutions, martyrdom...

1 peter 4:16 (niv) "however, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name".

really the over all thought here is, if you are going to suffer for something, make sure that it's something bigger than yourself. make sure that there is meaning to the pain. actions truly do speak louder than words. do something worth while.

fear....

2009-06-14T14:39:00.001-07:00

i don't believe in fear. i don't believe in being weak. i believe in pain. i believe in suffering. i believe in the God who gives me the strength to meet these things head on.....and then run them over.

we should all have a fear and a reverence towards God himself. other than that, as Christians, what do we have to fear? love, commitment to something/someone, the future, death, life, etc. etc. these are things that we should embrace and cherish not fear. what has happened to the spirit of adventure and stepping into the unknown? what has happened to peoples faith in knowing that God will see them through?

proverbs 3:5 (amp) says, "lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding." what happened to that?

there is no need for fear in our lives, it will only trap you. make you a puppet. if you cater to your fear, you are only feeding it to grow and turn into something worse. meet your fear toe to toe, deal with it and then move on and know that God is there with you. 2 timothy 1:7 "we have not been given a spirit of fear, but of peace, love and a sound mind".

i could continue with scripture but i won't. read it yourself. deal with your fear....

6.6.6.

2009-05-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

last weekend i experienced my first mountain bike endurance race. the "sick 6", part of the "ridin' dirty" series, was held at the clearbay trails at lake thunderbird in norman, ok. 6.6 miles for 6 hours....awesome.

i didn't really know what to expect. this is the first season i've ever competed much less ever done an endurance race. the race started with a "le mans" start, running to my bike was not enjoyable. given it wasn't even an 1/8 of a mile, it wore me out more than the actual ride...

my friend andy destroyed and came out with a 4th place finish in the single speed category. one gear, full rigid (no suspension).....screw that. i'll stick with my full suspension, thank you. i stayed with him as long as i could until i hit some unpacked sand and took a 90 degree turn into a thorn bush and poison ivy. after that, he was gone.

as for the rest of race, i was feeling great. on my 4th lap and about 3 hours in, i was experiencing some fatigue but was willing to keep going. my bike on the other hand had other ideas. at some point earlier in the race the hanger for my rear derailleur became bent (from another wreck). so while climbing the steepest hill in the race, i shifted and the derailleur caught the spokes in the wheel and almost ended up pointing strait up. i managed to get the two untangled but shifting and riding was hopeless. from there i had to carry the bike back to the car, about a 1/4 mile. it's one thing to be out of a race for physical problems. you at least know you gave it your all and simply couldn't continue. but to have your race end for a mechanical problem....... well, i was pissed (one of the less colorful words to use) to say the least.

after that i just sat in the car and waited for andy to get done. when the results were posted, i found out that the cat 2 winner won with only seven laps. i was in the cat 3 solo and am pretty confident that i could have beat the cat 2 riders. i hate to speculate.....

oh well. the new hanger should be here next week and i think i'll be a bit more prepared for the next "ridin' dirty" race. the new cross bike is built so i'll be riding more road this summer and hopefully be faster for the fall "tour de dirt" series. Lord willing, maybe i'll even win a few. f-me, cycling is making me competitive.....

turn it all off

2009-05-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

over the weekend i watched the movie "the day the earth stood still". there was a point in the movie when everything electrical completely shut off. so this got me thinking, what would happen if that were to actually take place today? how many people would just flip out because they don't have their cell phone, or a phone in general. how much of the world would die because they are so over weight walking any considerable distance would kill them. we would revert back to bicycles, horse drawn whatever, candle light, camp fires......family time. it wouldn't be the first time i've pooped out side, what about you?

to a certain degree, i really wish that this would happen. the world seemed to have got along just fine before all the creature comforts that we have today. all the crap we have isn't necessary it's just people are needy for things that don't matter.

i have a job, a house with food on the table, friends and family who love and care for me anda church family that is incredible.....i'm good.

biggest losers...

2009-04-21T19:15:00.000-07:00

what causes a person to have an addictive personality? what pushes, and i guess motivates, a person to be so needy in life? i was watching the biggest loser tonight and it was killing me on how may people on the show cry out "i need this", "i can't go home yet" or "i need bob!". what makes these people so weak?

of course you need it. you have no self control, no discipline, no self worth.... so what is the motivating factor to be on the show? weight or money? if you want to lose weight, go for a walk. take the time and actually go to the gym. or if you just need someone to yell at you in your face to work out, pay me a large amount of money and i'll yell at you. i'm ok with it.

ugh.... just, ugh.

just a twisted thought, jillian is hot! she demands their best when she yells with verve and passion.....that's sexy!

ring of fire

2009-04-09T18:40:00.000-07:00

central oklahoma is literally on fire. entire neighborhoods have been evacuated. homes and memories have been lost. lives are now devastated and forever drastically changed. as i sit on my couch and watch the fires on the news, my heart is breaking. what can i do? photos and videos on the news look like a video game or movie. you look at the images in horror and gasp, hoping that what you are seeing isn't real. my stomach is in my throat...

my friend travis lives in choctaw and i can't get out there to help him because the fires have jumped the roads and traffic has stopped. the flames are 2 miles north of his house and slowly moving south. i really feel helpless. all i can do is pray at this point.... i may take off work tomorrow and help him do whatever.

i never have been a fan of this state. the weather, most people, football.....it all annoys me. one thing that i do admire about the state is when people rally together for others. the downside to that is that it takes a disaster (like this) to bring it out in the community. why is that? why does someone have to lose everything before another individual will help?

i say these things but i point the finger at myself. i never have been one to get involved with other peoples business. it's only until recently that i've started caring for, or even paying attention to, others and their needs. and it's been a difficult process. i'm still not 100% into it yet but God is still working here. we'll see what happens there.

closing thought: do something.

drain you....but really me

2009-04-04T13:32:00.000-07:00

my motivation factor has been lacking, to say the least, here as of late. i can't quite put my finger on what the problem is either which kind of pisses me off. i don't work hard. i basically walk around and supervise people. i don't have any underlying stress of any kind. i'm not depressed.

today i got up, ate a nice breakfast and went to ride one of my favorite trails in norman. felt great when i started. the trail seemed packed so the bike was rolling fast which i love. i was making good headway until i clipped a tree with the handlebar. no biggy, got up and kept going. a few miles later i fell in a rock garden, which is so not like me. after that, motivation was running out of me much like the blood that was running down my leg. it wasn't even a big gash, but it bled everywhere. i don't even feel like climbing any more, but that has more to do with my finger being jacked up. i think it's broke and i don' t care to get it checked. stupid, i know.

hopefully tomorrow will be better. new day, new ride. going to help my church with old people tomorrow afternoon at a nursing home. should be a good time, i like senile old people. they give ideas on what to do when i get to be their age.

at the well.

2009-03-31T17:30:00.000-07:00

this last weekend pastor kirk finished a series entitled "soulmates". things to look for in a spouse, spiritually, emotionally, etc. etc. it was a great series. i learned things that i wish i could have heard about 8 months ago, but so goes life.

he spoke of meeting your spouse at the"well" (church), which being a believer in Christ that's where you should meet them. there is no better place. for me though, i'm afraid i will have to find someone from another "well". here's why......several years ago i heard a statement from some of the women at our church and recently (a month ago) heard the statement again. and yes, i know exactly the ones who said these words...

"there are no good guys/men left at harvest"

now, the first time i heard this i was single and took great offense to this. the second time i heard this i had just come out of a divorce and, well, took offense again. so riddle me this. if this is the pretentious and tawdry attitude of the women of the church. why should, would, could myself or any of the other single men there want to ask any of the women out? it's almost as if they have already made up there minds about the men before ever getting to know them (i could go on a longer rant on this subject but i won't).

before i was married there was several singles that would hang out on the weekends. sometimes even during the week. we would talk, play stupid games, just have fun with one another. so how is it that none of those people ever dated? maybe the guys didn't ask enough (or at all), maybe the girls need to pull there noses from out of the air......who knows. i think they would be pleasantly surprised if they would see what was right in front of them.

if God so chooses for me to be with one of those women then so be it. there's really only one that i'm curious about but she intimidates the crap out of me and has done so since i met her. the weird thing is i don't intimidate easily......hmm. i like to think that i'm ready to date again but even trying to get close to someone is somewhat awkward right now. i'm just going to wait for Gods timing. looking back, i may have rushed the first one.......oops.

so it begins

2009-03-23T19:04:00.000-07:00

i'm not a blogger. i don't even consider myself a writer. i think i rant more than anything. i guess maybe it's just good to get things off your chest somehow.... i use to write in journals, but going back through them, all the post were petty and juvenile. hopefully these post, few and far between, will be a bit more constructive. that's all i have right now.